Self Confidence and Self Worth obviously have a lot to do with how well we do in relationships. However, what confuses the picture is that the two terms are often used as if they have the same meaning. They are really different things.

Self Confidence is about how we relate to the world. Self Worth is about how we relate to ourselves. Naturally these two things are interlinked and one affects the other. But they bring very different gifts and very different skills.

Self Confidence gives us the ability to make things happen in the world. It helps us set goals and achieve results. When our Self Confidence is high we attract people through our ability to get things done and 'be out there'.

Self Worth helps us value other people for who they are (rather than what they do). It helps us build friendships and relationships based on mutual caring. When our Self Worth is high we attract people through our ability to just 'be there' for them and with them.

If Self Confidence is high and Self Worth is very low then we get out of balance. It can make us tend to put on a show and feel hollow inside. If this goes to far we can end up unable to enjoy our successes. While others are giving us a congratulatory pat on the back we feel like kicking ourselves as being undeserving. When our Self Worth is low we may tell ourselves "If only they knew what I am really like…".

If Self Confidence is very low and Self Worth is high then we get out of balance that way too. It can make us tend to hide out with our friends, family, or people we feel 'comfortable' (or an acceptable discomfort) around. We may walk in someone's shadow, hide behind a powerful boss, or someone who 'protects' us from the world (even if they are nasty otherwise). We may have things we really want to do with our lives (intensely so), but make excuses as to why it is OK to do nothing about.

When it comes to finding a partner lack of Self Confidence or Self Worth will obviously get in the way. Self Confidence helps us meet people; Self Worth helps us keep them. Self Confidence helps us establish an initial connection; Self Worth helps us relate in ways that create a healthy relationship.

Our Self Worth and Self Confidence can be affected by what other people say and do. However, they are also both affected by what we say and do. They are very much affected by what we decide about ourselves and our own value. Ultimately it is our decision whether we feel good and happy, or not. What we cultivate and what we tolerate is what grows.